Jeremy and I on Easter Sunday 2010

Thursday, November 4, 2010

God only gives you what you can handle...

Yep, I tell myself this all the time. And, repeatedly tell others the same when they ask about my MS. So I politely say it's okay, I deal, "God never gives you more then you can handle." Guess what? What I really wanna say is you have no friggin clue. God must think I wear a cape and mask, I must be a super hero. But you can't, people already feel pity towards you because you are sick. Jeez, okay, yes I am sick, I feel like pooh a lot but I do not need to be handled as if I am a piece of thousand year old parchment.  But then toss in those who say well, you look fine, you must be faking it. Well, if only it was that simple.

But, in the light at the end of all this, I do know I can handle it. I have my bad days, bad weeks, bad months, but it eventually passes. I always find happiness in my life. My hubby is amazing, my children are fab-u-lous, and all healthy and can be. So, can I really complain?

There are things I wanna do with my life still. I am almost 30 now. Crazy how fast time goes. I tried to go back to school. I found it hard to concentrate and understand and comprehend what I needed to know to pass tests which were my big down fall and since school makes you take those damn tests all the time to make sure you actually are doing the work, I think I closed that chapter in my life, but just because it's closed doesn't mean it can't be reopened.  I also would like to write more. Although, I don't think I am all that good at it. When I was a kid I wanted to write children's books. I don't think I want that now, probably because I don't think I can be "that" happy of a person to write a cheerful book to make children smile, unless I could write Halloween only books about vampire ninjas and pirate vampires.  You know that is not a bad idea. I really like vampires(yes I AM TEAM EDWARD) and if you toss in some pirates and ninjas too that be a hell of a story.  Lol. You know, it'd be nice to be interesting enough that people read my blog.....hint my damn blog people. I mean come on, sitting on couch surfing web all day, you have nothing better to do really or maybe it's just me, I really have nothing better to do. Well I take that back, I do have a lot to do but the MS fatigue crap is kicking my butt for going on two weeks now and sitting on my butt typing to no one seems to be about all I can handle. Insert grin here.  But, whatever though, I know I am interesting, just ask my 2 year old!

So part of MS apparently is I jump from subject to subject and have no real way to lead into each different subject. I am going to use that as my excuse now so I don't have to make an effort to sit here and make my brain work to create a nice way to transition.

Anyways, so having MS sucks. I don't really know what to do with it. For those of you that know me, I am a "do-er." You know what I mean, you are given a task, idea, whatever it is and you make it happen. So now being told that you have an auto immune disease with no cure, what the h#$% am I supposed to "do" with that. I like volunteer work, so of course I could work with MS Society or something like that, but that is hard to do when I live where the Army dictates. So you got any ideas? My brain isn't working right so your ideas could help.  What do I do? Oh, and don't say live, take care of your kids, your spouse. I do all that but I know there is more out there. I would like to help other MSers but how. With a blog on rantings to know that my life sucks sometimes too, maybe. It is always nice to know you aren't alone. But I can't always be negative either. So not me, but I am quite a smart a$$. Gotta love that right?

So, I guess I just press on. Almost 30 years old, trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up still. When are we supposed to know this by again? I hope that my kids figure it out well before they hit 30, maybe like before they go to college and waste money trying to figure it out. Who knows, but even if not a lot of people read this. I decided I want to post more on here on my craziness of life. Maybe it might get interesting. 

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